You probably know by now that I am a book nut. I love books and can’t get enough of them. It’s a really bad thing we don’t have a library in our town, because well… I have to buy them. In all honesty though, many of the books I buy I re-read many times. I know that will be the case with Linda Dillow’s book What’s it Like to be Married to Me?
I really love reading marriage books and have been inspired by many. Few take the cake of being my favorite though. What’s it like to be Married to Me, and Love and Respect are my top to all time favorites. This book by Linda Dillow focuses on the wife, this isn’t a book for husbands to read. I mean they can if they want, but it is geared toward women. At the very end of the book is study questions that go along with the chapters. I really enjoyed this aspect because it made me think deeper about what I was reading, instead of simply reading through it. She also has an exercise on writing a marriage statement. I really love having my marriage statement to randomly look back on to get my attitude in check again :).
My sweet husband says I have always been a good wife, but after reading this book, I realized I had a lot of selfishness to weed out in our relationship. It really made me look inward and begin to look at what I need to change about myself, instead of constantly trying to change things about my husband.
The book is broken into 9 chapters:
1.By Design, Not Default
2. What Is Really Important to Me?
3. What Does it Feel Like to Be My Husband
4. Am I willing to Change My Attitude?
5. What Will It Take for Me to Get Close to You?
6. What Is It Like to Make Love with Me?
7. Why Do I want to Stay Mad at You?
8. Is It Possible to Grow Together When Things Fall Apart?
9. The Woman in the Mirror
One thing I really love about this book is she gives so many examples of real people in real marriages working through really HARD stuff. I mean she uses some crazy examples of how a marriage was fixed through a lot of prayer and dying of self. Because of the hard work and forgiveness they were happy again in their marriage. It made me realize if these people can do it in really tough situations, why do I have any right to stay mad about something as dumb as laundry on the floor? It really convicted me to start acknowledging my actions toward my husband. I want to be a positive force in his life, not someone who drags him down.
While everything in this book was so good, I did want to share one thing that really stuck out to me at the end of the book. She mentioned the bible verse Pslam 39:4-5 “Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am. Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee. Verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity.”
She challenged us to ponder this verse and answer the question if you really believed this verse, would it make a difference how you loved your husband today? It really struck me, because my biggest fear is to lose my husband. When he was cutting trees I was so worried he would’t come home that evening. Now that he is not cutting trees I can rest easier, but it is still a huge fear of mine. I have noticed a difference though. Since committing to changing into the woman I want to be for him, I have noticed something. Part of the fear of losing my husband was tied to regret. Not regret over our marriage, but regret over not utilizing our marriage, our talents, and our love to the best of our ability. Regret over what our marriage could have been if I would have been less selfish. Lately, however, I have been swallowing my pride on things, saying sorry, and really trying to see his feelings before I look at my own. Slowly I have been seeing myself start to change more into the wife I want to be. It’s not fights that bring down a marriage or stifle it’s full potential, it’s selfishness and pride. Yes, I still have a fear of losing my husband, but what I don’t fear is the regret of not having my marriage live up to it’s full potential.
This book has helped me to see what kind of wife I want to be. Not only to see it, but to start working toward it. I really loved reading this book and I know I will reference it often when I am in a grumpy wife slump :). I would recommend this book to all wives out there/or soon to be wives!!